I have been growing more and more self-conscious about the fact that the only thing I have posted on here has been about gifts. The truth of the matter is that this whole blog-thing started because I was feeling uncomfortable about getting presents. I am pretty sure that it is a common phenomenon... I am not shy, but every now and again, certain kinds of attention make me head for the hills. Apparently, baby showers make me shy. Who knew?

My sister suggested that I can't handle the loss of control associated with this baby shower business. She may be right. I sure do like being in control. On the other hand, like everything in my life, I have a desire for this dino business it to be a transformative process. As a person who does not like many of the systems and structures that shape my reality, I have a strong desire for them to change. Call it controlling, call it visionary. (I prefer the latter.) If I can't start by making small changes in my own life surrounding a baby shower... well, I start to feel a little disillusioned. I am striving for balance between my need to control everything and my hope that tradition can play out differently as I become a mother.

The letting go of control element of this sought-after balance is a work in progress, and I've been told it will be a useful one. At present, here is my compromise. I will let go of some control, it I get to hold onto my belief that things can de different; that change is possible at least in my tiny sphere. I wouldn't feel good about bringing the dino into the world if I had to stop believing in all of the things that have sustained me thus far in life.